Gece Düzyazı: Günlük

Gece II

Tuna BAŞAR 0 Edebiyat, Gece, Gece Edebiyat, Günlük, Tuna BAŞAR 15:13

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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3qlnSV-fe-1FVq2_MKyS0AzXNjXAb0Ka0-R5SBof1V8NXaMLwlxZRtej85bdzinpTf_mirLezhwzyx9TfItJYUflSHcBYHUdOwlLibWefhbr9QBBuly3sSaLKKhsvZdZnTCQgftd9FwU/s1600/Gece+II.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3qlnSV-fe-1FVq2_MKyS0AzXNjXAb0Ka0-R5SBof1V8NXaMLwlxZRtej85bdzinpTf_mirLezhwzyx9TfItJYUflSHcBYHUdOwlLibWefhbr9QBBuly3sSaLKKhsvZdZnTCQgftd9FwU/s1600/Gece+II.jpg" /></a></div>
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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">23 Nisan 2009</b></div>
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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">Perşembe</b></div>
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Afyon’dan yeni geldiğim için mi böyle yorgun hissediyorum kendimi? Kitap okuyacak bile gücüm yok. Bütün gün uyumak istedi vücudum. Sadece not defterime notlar düşebildim. Yeni bir kitaba başlayamadım. Belki kendimi toparlamama yardım eder diye Tutunamayanlar’ın sayfalarını karıştırdım. Özellikle Selim’in günlüklerini okudum. <b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">Enis Batur</b>’un “<i style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">Kurşunkalem Portreler</i>”indeki kalan birkaç sayfayı okudum bir de. Ama yine de içimdeki anlamsız yorgunluk devam ediyor.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">yirmi3nisan’09gecesi karşıyaka</b></div>
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<span style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 19.2000007629395px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><b><a href="http://geceedebiyat.blogspot.com.tr/2010/09/gece-ii.html">http://geceedebiyat.blogspot.com.tr/2010/09/gece-ii.html</a></b></span></span></div>

Gece II

23 Nisan 2009 Perşembe Afyon’dan yeni geldiğim için mi böyle yorgun hissediyorum kendimi? Kitap okuyacak bile gücüm yok. Bütün gü...

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Gece I

Tuna BAŞAR 0 Edebiyat, Gece, Gece Edebiyat, Günlük, Tuna BAŞAR 11:30

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<div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 19.2000007629395px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: right; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">
<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">22 Nisan 2009</b></div>
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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">Çarşamba</b></div>
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Ne zaman önümde birkaç gün boşluğum olsa, o boşluğu öncelikle kitaplara ayırırım. Okumayı planladığım kitapları, öncelikli olanları belirleyerek, çalışma masama dizerim. Öncelik okumanındır, sonra yazamaya gelir sıra. Bu tür boş zamanlarda Not Defterimi, Günlüklerimi düzenli bir şekilde yazarım. Her günün sonunda da not defterimi gözden geçirip Kırıntıları, Aklımda Kalanları, Değinmeleri, Seyir Defterini ve Okuma Defterini kendi içinde sıralarım. Bazen yakaladığım bir aforizma beni çok mutlu eder. Hemen Hayat Notları dosyama iliştiriveririm. Her bir dosya zamanla yayınlanma sırasını bekler.</div>
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Şimdi de önümde yaklaşık 8 gün var. Bu sekiz gün için yine önceliği okumaya, yani kitaplara ayırdım. 8 gün için çok fazla sayıda kitap (25 kitap) seçmiş olsam da çalışma masamın üzerindeki kitaplar beni şu an için çok huzurlu kılıyor.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">yirmi2nisan’09gecesi karşıyaka</b></div>
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<span style="border-image-outset: initial; border-image-repeat: initial; border-image-slice: initial; border-image-source: initial; border-image-width: initial; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 19.2000007629395px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><b><a href="http://geceedebiyat.blogspot.com.tr/2010/09/gece-i.html">http://geceedebiyat.blogspot.com.tr/2010/09/gece-i.html</a></b></span></span></div>

Gece I

22 Nisan 2009 Çarşamba Ne zaman önümde birkaç gün boşluğum olsa, o boşluğu öncelikle kitaplara ayırırım. Okumayı planladığım kita...

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Günlükler -1-

Tuna BAŞAR 0 Edebiyat, Gece Edebiyat, Günlük, Günlükler, Tuna BAŞAR 10:30

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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">Mart 2008</b></div>
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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">2 Mart /</b></div>
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Renkli bir Eskişehir yolculuğu…</div>
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Günün sonunda büyük bir karanlık çöreklendi üzerime.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">5 Mart /</b></div>
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S.’nin okumam için verdiği Elif Şafak’ın “Siyah Süt” isimli kitabını bitirdim.</div>
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Niçin okudum bu kitabı diye kendi kendime soruyorum. Bana ne kattı bu kitap?</div>
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Tek ilgimi çeken S.’nin kitabın ilk sayfasına yazdığı şu cümleydi: “saniyeler gözümde bir can ve her saniye bir can kaybediyorum”</div>
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Sadece bu cümle nedeniyle kitabı, bitirene kadar, elimden bırakamadım.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">8 Mart /</b></div>
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Dünya Emekçi Kadınlar Günü…</div>
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G. ve arkadaşlarının Kadınlar Günü için yazıp oynadıkları “El ele” isimli oyunu seyrettim.</div>
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Uzun zaman olmuş tiyatroya gitmeyeli. Amatör bir oyun da olsa çok keyif aldım.</div>
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“Olasılıksızlık” başlıklı bir şiirsel karalamam vardı. İlk yazdığım şekliyle bir köşede duruyor olmalı. Ne diyordu; aşk bir olasılıksızlık hesabıymış, çok geç fark ettim.</div>
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Sanırım artık tamamlayabilirim bu şiiri.</div>
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Bütün gün Attilâ İlhan şiirleri okudum durdum. Özellikle “Üçüncü Şahsın Şiiri” ve bu şiirin yarattığı karşılıksız aşk düşüncesi beni rahat bırakmadı.</div>
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Bir ara “Karşılıksız Aşk Üzerine Çeşitlemeler” başlıklı bir deneme yazmıştım. Ona son halini verip yayınlama vakti gelmiş olmalı.</div>
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R.’nin bir sözü de aklımdan çıkmadı hiç: “Acaba Attila İlhan’a bu şiirleri yazdıran kişiler, bu şiirlerin yazılmış olmasından ve bu kadar kişiyi böyle derinden etkilemiş olmasından memnun muydular?”</div>
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acaba??</div>
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Bir çikolatanın nelere sebep olabileceğini çok iyi biliyorum. Bir çikolata tanesinin üzerinden bir melek hayatıma girerken, onun farkına varmadan yıllar geçirebileceğimi ve çok sonra hiç ummadığım bir zamanda o meleğin hayatıma kattığı güzellikleri görünce neler kaçırmış olduğumun pişmanlığını yaşayacağımı asla tahmin etmezdim. Ama oluyormuş, hiçbir zaman ummadığımız güzellikler de başımıza geliyormuş. Ne mutlu ki bana böylesi bir mutluluğu yaşadım.</div>
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Tıp Bayramı…</div>
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AKÜ Tıp Fakültesi I. Öğrenci sempozyumu sonucunda bizim hazırladığımız postere Başhekimlik Özel Ödülünü verdiler. Ödülümüz de biri dolma, biri de tükenmez olmak üzere iki kalem oldu. Diğerlerini bilmem de bana verilecek en güzel hediyelerden biri bu olsa gerek?</div>
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Ne zaman birilerine kalem hediye etme fikri gözümde canlansa, aklıma hemen “Akıl Oyunları” filmi gelir. Yıllar sonra eğitim verdiği fakülteye şizofren olduğunu kabul ederek gelen John Nash’in oturduğu masaya tüm öğretim üyelerinin kalem bırakması…</div>
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kalem saygıyı,</div>
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kalem karşındaki kişinin başarısını kabul etmeyi de temsil ediyor.</div>
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Sigarasız 21. gün…</div>
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Bir alışkanlıktan vazgeçmek ya da bir alışkanlık edinmek için en az 21 gün gerekir derler. Acaba artık sigarayı bıraktığımı söyleyebilir miyim?</div>
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Güven Turan’ın aforizma kitabı “Bakır Çalığı”nı sonunda okuyabildim. Ne diyor Güven Turan: “Acı çekmekten mutlu olmalıyız. Bu, yaşıyoruz anlamına gelir çünkü.”</div>
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Kum dergisinden Suna Dündar mail gönderdi. “Öleyazılan Aşk” başlıklı şiirimi yayınlayacaklarmış. Daha önce de bir yazımı yayınlamışlardı.</div>
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Evrensel Kültür yazdığım şiirleri beğenmemiş ve benden toplumcu şiirler yazmamı istemişti. Yoğun olarak Nâzım Hikmet, Ahmed Arif, Şükran Kurdakul, Enver Gökçe, Ataol Behramoğlu, Sennur Sezer, Gülsüm Cengiz, Şükrü Erbaş okuması sonrasında yazdığım “Çaresiz Şiir”i Evrensel Kültür’e gönderdim.</div>
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Bir daha hiç kimseye “Canım benim!” demeyeceğim.</div>
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Enis Batur’un “Gönderen: Enis Batur” isimli kitabını bitirdim.</div>
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Niyeyse birilerine mektup yazmak geldi içimden. Ya da kartpostal atmak. Maillere cevap vermek heyecanlandırmıyor beni. Keşke evime mektuplar gelse ve ben de büyük bir heyecanla cevaplasam.</div>
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Geçen sene “İlter Su’ya Mektuplar” diye bir projem vardı. Acaba o projeyi tekrar gündeme mi alsam?</div>
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Yıllar önceki bir otobüs yolculuğu…</div>
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Özel tarihleri bir türlü unutamıyorum. Bir ara hayatıma giren ve bana güzel anlar yaşatan bir kişinin hayatımdan çıkmasından sonra, onunla ilgili olan her şeyi unuttuğumu düşünmüştüm ve şöyle bir not yazmıştım: Bana en unutulmaz mutlulukları yaşatan kişileri unutmanın verdiği mutluluğu yaşıyorum.</div>
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Ama ne yazık ki kısa bir süre sonra benim için bir zamanlar özel olan günleri de unutmamış olduğumu gördüm. Şu günlerde başka bir kişinin anlam kattığı tarihleri yaşarken, hâlâ yıllar önceki bir otobüs yolculuğunu hatırlamış olmak ilginç.</div>
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Renkli bir İzmir yolculuğu…</div>
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Hayat Notları -X- tamamlandı. Daha önce Hayat Notları -VIII- ve -IX-‘u yayınlayan Taflan dergisine bunu da göndermeliyim.</div>
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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">30 Mart /</b></div>
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“Birazcık bilseydin ne kadar çok sevdiğimi dostumu, asla bırakmazdın dostunu!”</div>
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Bu sözü bana söyleyen kişi, şimdi beni bırakıp gidiyor...</div>
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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">Tuna BAŞAR</b></div>
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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">/martikibinsekiz</b></div>
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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">afyonkarahisar-izmir-eskişehir/</b></div>
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<b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;"><u style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: relative; vertical-align: baseline; word-wrap: break-word;">Ayın Kitapları</u></b></div>
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- Enis Batur “Gönderen: Enis Batur” Deneme Remzi Kitabevi Ekim 1991 240 syf</div>
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<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Tahoma, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 19.2000007629395px;"><b><a href="http://geceedebiyat.blogspot.com.tr/2010/08/gunlukler-1.html">http://geceedebiyat.blogspot.com.tr/2010/08/gunlukler-1.html</a></b></span></span></div>

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